“Don’t Should on Me.”

Rik and I have made a rule never to start a sentence with “you should.”  Let’s be honest we all know what happens after those words are uttered. Our brains shut down and we no longer hear what the rest of the sentence is.  Attack mode is triggered because an offense is the best form of a defense. No one likes to be “should on.” 

So my question is, “then why do we allow ourselves to do it to ourselves?”

Coaching conversations naturally brings up a lot of “should versus want” conversations.  Quite often people find themselves on a path that is working but isn’t satisfying.  Some of my favorite conversations start with “I’ve always dreamt of...”  What makes me curious is why they aren’t pursuing their dream in the first place.  Typically what we discover is that it has to do with the way we’ve been programmed.  Many of us get on a path based on the messages we’ve been fed around “you should, be responsible, security is the only option.” 

Here are some common should messages. 

  • Go to University
  • Don’t take too much time off university before finding a job
  • Work tirelessly till your 40 and hopefully by then you’ll be independently wealthy
  • Retire any time after that
  • Become a philanthropist and sit on a lot of boards
  • Not work if you have children
  • Work if you have children
  • Get a masters degree or some sort of professional designation

What would be a few that you might add to that list?  What are some of the “shoulds” that have kept you on the path that you are currently on?  The stories we create around why our circumstances can or cannot be changed contribute to our own personal level of fulfilment and overall life satisfaction. 

To what degree have you listened to your heart and acted on that which was most important to you?  How often do you act on “shoulds” versus following your dreams?  The best place to start exploring is by simply asking yourself “how fulfilled am I and how well have I followed my heart despite any outside pressures.” 

Many people will read this and think “whatever, that would be just too irresponsible to start thinking like that.”  So let’s be clear.  That’s your head talking, not your heart. 

“Let your hands do the work of your heart.” Author Unknown

BYB October Challenge:

Notice the amount of “I should” in your messaging to yourself.  How many of the “I should” statements you make are part of your earlier programming from outside sources.  Consider the motivation behind some of the decisions you have made in the past and how they contributed to where you are now.  On a daily basis ask yourself if you are operating from “I should” or from your heart.

Share a Champagne Moment

It’s always important to keep a storefront current and interesting, so BYB will be updating our website content for 2013!  To inspire new prospective clients I’d like to include a few of the champagne moments you’ve celebrated through coaching.  Please help me continue to build the BYB brand by e-mailing me a few sentences about some of your memorable champagne moments.  Remember that champagne moments don’t have to always be gold medal performances; they can be sweet simple moments, a time when you acknowledged that life in that moment was good. 

I’m coming to YEG

Edmonton crew, I’ll be in Edmonton Tuesday November 6-8th we’ll be doing your coaching for that week in person at Incite.  Also I’ll be meeting with new clients.  I currently have space in my schedule to add two new clients so if you have any colleagues or friends who are considering coaching please let me know as I would love to connect with them before I get to Edmonton.

Upcoming BYB Dates:

BYB Book Club for Executives: “Small Giants”       Wed November, 24th 6:00PM

BYB Book Club for Entrepreneurs: “Small Giants   Mon November, 29th 6:45AM

BYBBusiness for Solopreneurs                            January 2013

BYBBeyond Sport-Networking Event                    January 2013

Happy Halloween!

Sincerely

Carolyn de Voest

Skype: carolyndevine

Twitter: @betteryourbest

Facebook: http://bit.ly/9GSApy